Troy McClure was a staple of classic Simpsons, his absence (and Phil Hartman's) are still missed today as the show enters its twenty-first year. He introduced us to Fuzzy Bunny and his wacky adventures through puberty. He reminded us that lead paint is both deadly and delicious. He also paved the way for a musical we must have: Planet of the Apes. In honor of his significant contribution to quotables from the show, lines we reference on a daily basis here at the IGN offices, Line-O-Rama re-visits some of the finest T McC out there. Of course, the interwebs aren't big enough to feature our list of everything awesome sauce from the host of such celebrity funerals as "Andre the Giant: We Hardly Knew Ye," so feel free to put your Simpsons care space to the test in the Comments. And maybe, just maybe, a few lucky readers will get their picks in a reader's choice.
McClure Behind the Wheel Line: "What a terrible waste... Hi, I'm actor Troy McClure! You might remember me from such driver's ed films as "Alice's Adventures Through The Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot." For the next sixty minutes, we'll be seeing actual film of car crash victims."
Episode: "Duffless" (Season 4)
It's no secret that Homer is a raging alcoholic. When he was arrested for drunk driving, Homer was forced to sit through one of those painful defensive driving seminars. But in this case, he had the award-winning Troy McClure to help pass the time. Troy really hit on something with this particular instructional video. Perhaps the best way to convince drunk drivers the error of their ways is to show them shot after shot of vehicular carnage. It certainly seemed to work on Homer, if only for a time.
Knowledgeium is Half the Battle
Line: "Welcome to the Knowledgeium. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such automated information kiosks as 'Welcome to Springfield Airport' and 'Where's Nordstrom?' While you're enjoying our hall of wonders your car will unfortunately be subject to repeated break-ins..."
Episode: "This Little Wiggy" (Season 9)
Springfield is about the last city on Earth you'd want to travel to in search of arts and culture. Still, the townsfolk do make an honest go of it every now and then. In this episode, the Simpsons are drawn in by the allure of the Knowledgeium, a quirky new museum full of oddball exhibits like a sex education computer and a giant ear. Luckily, Troy McClure was on hand to guide visitors through this hall of wonders. He was also there to provide a stark dose of reality to an otherwise fun-filled day. The Knowledgeium may have brought culture to Springfield, but some residents are only ever interested in scoring a new car stereo.
Troy McClure was a staple of classic
[The star of such films as "Leper in the Backfield," "The Boatjacking of Supership 79" and "Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die" lends his signature brand of funny to our latest edition of Line-O-Rama.
Mr. DNA
Line: "DNA is God's recipe for making you. You take a dash of Dad, a pinch of Mom, then we bake for nine months and... mmm! That's good Billy!"
Episode: "Lisa the Simpson" (Season 9)
There comes a point in every young person's life when they want to learn the facts of life. How are children made, and why do they turnout so much like their parents? The latter question is of particular concern to Lisa, when she learns that the members of her family suffer from the "Simpson Gene," a natural defect that explains every dumb thing Homer has ever done.
Lisa was in need of some instruction regarding genetics and the birthing process. And where do eager young minds in Springfield turn to for enlightenment? Why, one of Troy McClure's videos, of course. Troy offered up this amusing little explanation for how DNA works. We wish our teachers had gone this route instead of droning on about nucleotides and double helices and so forth.
Sluice This, Jimmy!
(The following exchange occurs between Troy and his young sidekick, Jimmy.)
Troy: "Come on, Jimmy. Let's take a peek at the killing floor." (Jimmy gasps in horror.)
Troy: "Don't let the name throw you, Jimmy. It's not really a floor; it's more of a steel grating that allows material to sluice through so it can be collected and exported."
Episode: "Lisa the Vegetarian" (Season 7)
Forget about sex education, the one thing parents should worry about their kids learning in school is the horrific process behind the meat-packing industry. Lisa was in the midst of an existential crisis regarding meat-eating when Ms. Hoover decided to show the class this helpful video. In Troy's latest adventures, he dragged poor Jimmy through the bowels of a slaughterhouse. Jimmy was not the same when he emerged on the other side.
The best part about this sequence comes later. When Jimmy questions the ethics behind killing defenseless cows, Troy responds, "Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If that cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about." We never realized that grass eaters, so seemingly harmless, spent so much time plotting our destruction. But if Troy McClure says it, it must be true.
Fuzzy Bunny Moan
Line: "Hi kids, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such educational films as 'Lead Paint, Delicious but Deadly' and 'Here Comes the Metric System!'"
Episode: "Bart's Friend Falls in Love" (Season 3)
Even at this early stage in the series, Troy McClure was already well-known for his numerous educational videos. In this episode, he went from pimping innocent topics like the metric system to full-blown sex education. It was not a pretty sight for Bart and his class of impressionable young fourth-graders. More disturbing still was that the entire feature was acted out by Fuzzy Bunny and his lady friend. When it came time to show exactly how babies were made, the bunnies didn't pull any punches. Only Ms. Krabappel was unimpressed, merely saying, "Eh, she's faking it."
[The star of such films as "Leper in the Backfield," "The Boatjacking of Supership 79" and "Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die" lends his signature brand of funny to our latest edition of Line-O-Rama.
Troy McClure was a staple of classic
Simpsons, his absence (and Phil Hartman's) are still missed today as the show enters its twenty-first year. He introduced us to Fuzzy Bunny and his wacky adventures through puberty. He reminded us that lead paint is both deadly and delicious. He also paved the way for a musical we must have: Planet of the Apes. In honor of his significant contribution to quotables from the show, lines we reference on a daily basis here at the IGN offices, to lines from the show we here at the IGN offices quote repeatedly, Line-O-Rama re-visits some of the finest T McC out there. Of course, the interwebs aren't big enough to feature our list of everything awesome sauce from the host of such celebrity funerals as "Andre the Giant: We Hardly Knew Ye," so feel free to put your Simpsons care space to the test in the Comments. And maybe, just maybe, a few lucky readers will get their picks in a reader's choice. ]Poochie, We Hardly Knew Ye
Line: "Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such cartoons as 'Christmas Ape' and 'Christmas Ape Goes to Summer Camp.'"
Episode: "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show" (Season 8)
Simpsons fans got so used to hearing Troy McClure introduce himself with one of his many "Hi, I'm Troy McClure" bits, that they probably forgot he was capable of anything else. As it turns out, Troy forgot too. He was one of many Springfield-ites who tried out for the role of Poochie, the hip new addition to the cast of Itchy and Scratchy. McClure waltzed on screen reading his lines, stopping midway to introduce himself thusly. Sort of a strange way to audition for a role, we think. So it should come as no surprise that Troy didn't actually win the part. But hey, at least he still had Christmas Ape.
The Boatjacker Who Loved Me
Line: "…You might remember me from such films as "The Boatjacking of Supership 79" and "Hydro, the Man with the Hydraulic Arms!"
Episode: "Lady Bouvier's Lover" (Season 5)
Hydro, we still await your sequel. Until then, we'll settle for a tour of Mr. McClure's varying states of career high and lows. He had sunk to a particular low by the time this Season 5 episode rolled around. Troy was reduced to endorsing useless junk on the Impulse Buying Network. Luckily, he hadn't lost his charm when it came to late-night infomercials. He convinced Bart to buy a piece of $350 Itchy and Scratchy merchandise. It turned out to be every bit the useless piece of crap Bart should have recognized it to be, but it didn't matter. He just stole the money from Homer's wallet anyway.
We Love You, Dr. Zaius!
Because Season 7's "A Fish Called Selma" is so damn good, we couldn't just leave you with one Line-O-Rama entry. It would be an insult to the episode that gave us our first look at a Planet of the Apes musical, and it's arguably the best episode Simpsons ever made. With that said, here are the three choice lines we selected for your approval. Insert canned laughter here:
Line 1: "Hello, Selma Bouvier? It's Troy McClure. You may remember me from such dates as last night's dinner."
As we've already established, Troy has a signature method of introducing himself, and he doesn't seem able or willing to turn that off when he encounters people in real life. Even after spending a night wining and dining Selma, this is how he greets her the next morning. But when the ladies fall for a routine like this, why bother to change it. Romance was in the air, and Troy was riding high on the waves of passion. Line 2: (The following exchange is between Troy and his agent, Parker.)
Parker: "Ever hear of Planet of the Apes?"
Troy: "Uh, the movie or the planet?"
Parker: "The brand-new, multi-million dollar musical. And you are starring… as the human."
Troy: "It's the part I was born to play, baby!"
And who could forget some of the gems from the musical itself? In the closing number, "Stop the Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off!" Troy sings, "I hate every ape I see, from Chim-pan-A to Chim-pan-zee!" It's enough to make us wish some bright young director really would put together an Apes musical. This thing is comedy gold.
Line 3: "My good looks paid for that pool, and my talent filled it with water! Hi, I'm Troy McClure, your future uncle."
Things were looking up for Troy by the time he invited the Simpsons to his palatial estate. Troy kept up the bravado even in the comfort of his home. When Bart and Lisa marveled at the size of his swimming pool, Troy was only too happy to explain just how he acquired it. The Simpsons were awestruck with their famous new relative. It's almost a shame Selma had the good sense to break off this particular marriage just like every other one she's ever had.
Feel free to keep quoting to yourself and amongst friends, but don't leave us out of the fun. We're not omniscient, we're sure there's a line or six you like that we didn't put in. And we'll accept all reprisals coming our way…in the below Comments. (See what we did there? [Cough. Cough. Cue tumbleweed…]).
